Dear D0t: What’s With the Love for Abusive Edwards?
Dear Schpatty:
Look at the fandom from a purely demographic point of view here; the majority of us are either 30-ish women who are married–with or without children–or young women who are just starting out (teens). In other words, we are dissatisfied with our current relationship lot in life and Edward the Vampire Stalker Boy seems like a dream come true.
For the Women of a Certain Age, a controlling, dominant Edward is the opposite of what we have. Since he wants to be the one in charge, there’s no daily nagging to pick up dirty socks or clean the gutters. He does it all because he’s in control. I’d be a damned dirty liar if I said the idea of not having to tell a single person what to do all day wouldn’t be a temporary dream come true. To walk through life like an automaton, simply following orders and having amazing, multi-orgasmic sex on the side? Yes, yes, yes, Edward! Do it to me!
By the same token, for the younger set who haven’t been around the block, it seems like an ideal set-up. He tells her what to do because he cares about her, right? That’s how so many abusive relationships start; the abuse seems like an over-zealous form of caring. They haven’t been out there enough to know what it’s like to be an equal partner with give-and-take, and how much more satisfying it is when you are on a level playing field.
In other words, abusive Edward seems like a fantasy. Let’s look at it realistically, though. Would you really want someone telling you what to wear all the time? Going through your clothes and throwing out your favorites if he didn’t like them? Would you want a man telling you that you could no longer read and/or write your beloved fanfiction? Work and school already suck enough with having to do what someone tells you; do you want to do that outside those situations as well? Be told what you can eat, what you can wear, what you can watch on television?
One of the problems is that there is a tendency for one-upmanship. In other words, if a slightly creepy Darkward is hot, then one who kidnaps Bella, beats her, and redirects her life until she has no choice but to fall in love with him should be better, right? WRONG. Stockholm Syndrome isn’t something to base a relationship on; it’s a psychological condition.
It’s okay to fantasize about something. Like I said, the image of, say, Domward punishing me if I eat a doughnut or don’t exercise for the week would be a really great motivator to get my fat ass up and moving and say, eating a salad instead of that pint of Ben & Jerry’s, but only in a limited area. Overall, I’m far too fond of speaking my mind to allow anyone to completely control me or my life. You should be, too.
Amen.
Wait…what’s so bad about Schtockholm Syndrome again?
Word.
My first boyfriend was a sociopath. Yeah, fun times. Talk about controlling. And I was young and impressionable and didn’t know any better. This is not a good thing. Trust me, children, an equal partnership is much, MUCH better thing to have. There’s nothing romantic about someone telling you you can’t drink coffee because he doesn’t like the smell of it, or that you can only wear a certain shade of blue because it looks best with your skin tone (that’s me, not Bella), or who listens in on every conversation you have with your family members. That’s not protective; that’s sick.
Ok, I’m stepping off the soapbox now so d0t can have it back.
I used to date psychopaths. At least, I think so.
I’ll just stick to vibrators and fanfiction for now.
I’m really glad someone brought this up but I wanted to mention that a good chunk of these unhealthy Edwards are written by mature ladies, not just the younger set. That’s where I get confused. I think we can all agree that there’s a line perhaps some of these begaviors have a story behind them (doms/subs etc.) although I personally can’t excuse a lot of what I’ve seen in fic no matter what the reason. I’m still left wondering why so many terrible qualities in a man are promoted in this community, through Edward, by women of ALL ages and life experience. I understand the slippery slope twilight provides in many variations but things can get downright disturbing very quickly and that worries me as a woman. Is that where womans liberation got us? Really? I’m well aware I’m taking an extreme viewpoint but I wanted to bring it up regardless of that fact.
Pardon the errors. I’m posting from my phone and the auto spellcheck really screws me over sometimes.
Which fan fiction stories are you all reading? I’ve read several with a “dominating” Edward where the aforementioned behavior (“someone telling you what to wear all the time…going through your clothes and throwing out your favorites if he didn’t like them”) does NOT occur. I believe the situations expressed in this article are extreme and therefore, this is an inadequate and short-sighted response to the reader’s question.
I believe the characteristics addressed in this response are simply meant to be an example women can relate yo rather than exactly what we see in fic. It doesn’t cover the most widely seen bahaviors but it gives a small sample. That being said, there are a decent amount of sub/dom relationships in fic where the lives of the sub are dictated regularly. I don’t want to name fics because there’s no reason to drag any authors through the mud but the whole idea is control at it’s max can be sexual. I can understand that to a point but I’ve seen control wander into a level that makes me think of mental illness. I’ve only experienced that once in fic. However, I avoid this “genre” so I’m sure there are tame examples and others that flirt heavily with that line.
I have called out no particular fics or fic characters in my response to the reader’s question. All scenarios are made up with my own disturbed little head. (Please see Patron-fueled disclaimer to your right.)
Well, except for my need for tarasueme’s Domward to help with my diet and exercise. Because that? Yes, I totally need that.
I think to a certain extent Edward’s exagerated traits are like stage makeup meant to project his level of devotion to Bella to the back of the audience. On stage you wear a ton of make up so that the audience can see your eyes and other features. If you were to hit the grocery store in stage makeup people would think you were trying to be a clown…or Tammy Faye.
In real life to show Bella he cared about her safety when driving, Edward would check out the crash safety ratings of a vehicle, buy good insurance, and maybe invest in some sensible run-flat tires. And nobody would care. In fiction to project that sense of caring to the back of the audience, so we all really get it, Edward has to buy Bella a missle proof car and we all say, “Awwww…..he really loves her.”
Your post makes a good point about the appeal of relinquishing control though because in real life I’d be picking out my own damn car. And nobody would want to read about it.
Before I completely reply & say what I really think, I want to lay a disclaimer and say that I do see where young impressionable girls could so get the wrong impression by some FanFiction and think that a manipulative, or very consuming Edward is a good thing. Having said that, I think young impressionable girls will also get the wrong impression from FanFiction that their first time having sex will be pocketfulls of sunshine, the best experience of their lives, with a boy that will do anything for them and last for hours, and swallowing his cum is going to taste like chocolate. Because from what I’ve heard around the block, not many young girls would (honestly) say that FanFiction is even close to what it was like for them the first time.
Unfortunately, we cannot stop these girls from reading the FanFiction that is mature and written by mature women, who in my opinion are writing FANTASY. I completely see your point here D0t about the large demographic of FanFiction being written by women who would give anything to not have to tell everyone in their lives what to do. It does seem that no matter what we think we want, that strong, take charge man who we can submit to, just really isn’t all that appealling when he’s leaving his socks on the floor & leaving the toilet seat up.
I love my husband dearly and I admit I was raised in an environment that promoted “The Man” being the dominant figure. But, I was also raised by a strong woman, and I must say, I do not want ANYONE telling me what to wear, what I can and can’t do, or where I can go. So, whereas the concept of just being carefree & not having to make those decisions may sound like such a welcomed break, let’s be honest, not many of us actually want that, in its entirety. Isn’t that really such a challenge of marraige or living in a committed relationship? Figuring that out.
Let’s face it. Edward does not exist. No one is perfect, and in all honesty even Edward in the books wasn’t perfect, he left her. Those of us who love the books or love the idea and have written or read FanFiction, I beleive are taking the qualities we saw in Edward and expanding them while adding our own desires and fantasies to them. I for one will not stop reading these, because we all need a little fantasy in our lives and I’ve found some phenomenal writers and stories.
I persoanlly have not read anything that is downright ABUSIVE. I’ve read manipulative, I’ve read kidnapping, I’ve read even some slight verbal abuse. But, so far I have not read anything that I could not handle. I beleive even in the worst of these situations, the writer always provided me with a valid reason for Edward’s behavior, and I know I may just be naive but I always believe the author will bring him around to a better place and we will find out why he is the way he is and realize that it’s not his true self, and many times I find the journey to his healing or enlightenment and change in behavior very satisfying and in the end Edward and Bella need to be together and are together.
Don’t get me wrong, I have heard there are some horrific stories out there, so I cannot comment on that, as I have not read any that I felt there was an unredeemable Edward. I’m sure that exists.
Having said all of this, if my best friend were sitting next to me and telling me that her boyfriend was dictating what she were to wear, that he had laid one hand on her, that he cursed at her and told her she was fat, or a loser, or dumb, or a piece of shit, I would tell her to RUN AS FAST AS SHE COULD!!!!! Seriously, FanFiction is not real life. In FanFiction, I can sit back and see where the author takes a storyline. Perhaps Edward had some horrible thing in his past and he will eventually get help for it and get better. That storyline is dictated by the author, not some real battered and broken or abused man in real life. Unfortunately, in real life, our pasts are hard to overcome and patterns in life are not easily broken. So, would I tell my friend to hang in, perhaps said boyfriend, husband, lover will get help and come around. NO. Abusive realtionships are never right for either party. Would my friend listen to me, I have no idea, allowing yourself to be abused, often is something that sneaks up on a person after they may already be in love, and the abuser may actually be a broken soul too, which often makes women stay thinking they can fix or help them. That is a hard struggle with no guarantees and after many years of that, the person may feel like it was a waste and they can’t get those years back, or worse yet something horrible may happen and the abuse may end with more permanent circumstatnces. That is not a chance I would encourage a real life friend to take. But, in FanFiction. If I read an entire story thinking that Edward will come around and his manipulation, or even harsh demeanor will change, and it doesn’t, the story ends and he’s still a jerk, nothing has been lost or wasted other than my time. There are no real bruises and I can move on and read something else.
Uggggh, I’m sorry I wrote so much. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t shutup. But, I have heard this topic a lot, and I wanted to give my two cents. I actually hope that I’ve come across as agreeing with what D0t said here.
Thanks for reading.
This actually brought up another question for me. Is this bahavior okay if there’s a “valid” reason. Of course that depends on the interpretation of valid and what the behavior was, but it’s something that came to mind.
I understand that it’s fiction but I still don’t get why this is the sort of thing people want to read about?